HUMOR

 
Traditional Eastern European Jewish  joke:

"On a train in czarist Russia, a Jew is eating a whitefish, wrapped in paper. A Gentile, sitting across the aisle, begins to taunt him with various anti-Semitic epithets. Finally, he ask the Jew, 'What makes you Jews so smart?'

'All right,' replies the Jew, 'I guess I'll have to tell you. It's because we eat the head of the whitefish.'

'Well, if that's the secret,' says the Gentile, 'then I can be as smart as you are.'

'That's right,' says the Jew, 'And in fact, I happen to have an extra whitefish head with me. You can have it for five kopecks.'

The Gentile pays for the fish head and begins to eat. An hour later the train stops at a station for a few minutes. The Gentile leaves the train and comes back. 'Listen, Jew,' he says, 'You sold me that whitefish head for five kopecks. But I just saw a whole whitefish at the market for three kopecks.'

'See,' replies the Jew, 'You're getting smarter already.'"
Novak/Waldoks,
The Big Book of Jewish Humor, HarperPerennial, 1989, p. 91

"Not surprisingly," note William Novak and Moshe Waldoks about the above joke, "anti-goyism is rarely stressed in public discussions of Judaism ... But centuries of hostility between Gentiles and Jews have led to a large body of aggressive and unpleasant feelings on both sides."
Novak/Waldoks,
The Big Book of Jewish Humor,
HarperPerennial, 1981



"All kinds of deception and cunning, of fraud and trickery, devised and committed by Jews, either to get money or to avoid paying money, are exposed and candidly revealed by Jewish jokes."
Theodore Reik,
Jewish pyschoanalyst,
Jewish Wit,
Gamut Press, NY, 1962, p. 67


CDC Issues Warning to Jewish Doctors with Daughters
. National Lampoon, 2001.
"The Center for Disease Control issued a warning today to all physicians born of Jewish descent that their daughters could be 1000 times more likely than non-Jewish doctors' daughters to become slutty, sexually-charged adultering whores. The CDC has already identified what they refer to as a 'Major Slut-Whore Cluster' in Southern California. Tomorrow, they plan to obtain blood and semen samples from Jewish M.D.'s in the region including: Dr. Fleiss, father of Heidi Fleiss, Dr. Lewinsky, father of Monica Lewinsky and Dr. Levy, father of Chandra Levy. Researchers remain baffled as to why this strange disease: SDS (Slutty Daughter Syndrome) seems to afflict only the daughters of Jewish doctors."

Jewish Jokes and Anti-Semitism.
Australian Journal of Comedy
, Vol. 1, No. 1, 1995
"It is not an easy matter to locate that line between acceptability and nonacceptability. We might say that a Jewish joke is not anti-Semitic if it is conveyed by Jews, to Jews, about Jews, and neither explicitly asserts nor remotely implies disparagement of Jews as a group. It does appear to be anti-Semitic if it contains over-simplified and deprecating judgements and negative or inaccurate generalisations about Jews by non-Jews, and directly or indirectly furthers malignant stereotypes and/or leads to acts of intimidation, provocation, bigotry, prejudice,discrimination or physical aggression. In reality however, the distinctions are far more complicated and difficult to make, requiring a more careful, critical, and dispassionate evaluation of intention, purpose, and consequence, witting or unwitting."

Jewish Anti-Deprecation League Protests New Woody Allen Movie. The Onion
"The Jewish Anti-Deprecation League picketed the New York premiere of Woody Allen's latest film, Waltzing With Schopenhauer, Monday, arguing that it 'perpetuates misleading stereotypes of Jewish self-deprecation that do not reflect the modern Jewish-American experience.' The JADL is decrying Allen's portrayal of the film's lead character, Reuben Hirschhorn, a Columbia University creative-writing professor who, despite achieving considerable personal and career success, is plagued by severe self-doubt, hypochondria, perceived sexual inadequacies, an inability to commit to long-term relationships, existential angst, an obsessive fear of death, and disturbing dreams involving his overbearing mother making chicken soup for Nazi propaganda minister Josef Goebbels. 'Mr. Allen has made a career out of presenting his own foibles and insecurities as characteristic of all Jews,' JADL executive director Howard Klosterman said. 'Jews are tired of seeing themselves routinely represented as neurotics who can't enjoy their lives, no matter how successful, and Mr. Allen is one of the primary perpetrators of this offensive cliche.'"

'I Am Not an Anti-Semite!' jokezine.com
"'I am not an anti-Semite,' Hillary Clinton declared in a beer hall in a German blue-collar neighborhood outside of Buffalo, New York. She went on to explain, 'Die Rede ist von Miniatur-Lastwagen - bis aufs kleinste Detail den großen Originalen nachgebaut. Und das keineswegs nach Anleitung durch einen Bausatz, sondern der eigenen Kreativität entsprechend' to a chorus of thunderous applause."

Ali's Shocking Punch(line), Washington Post, December 18, 2001
"We have always admired Muhammad Ali, so we hoped our ears were deceiving us when we heard the 59-year-old former heavyweight champion of the world tell a couple of off-color jokes at the Washington premiere party for 'Ali,' the biopic starring Will Smith as the champ and Ron Silver as trainer Angelo Dundee. As Ali took the microphone at the Georgetown restaurant Cafe Milano – with Mayor Tony Williams standing behind him on the podium – Ali's fourth wife, Lonnie, could be heard advising him: 'No, no, no, don't.' But before a packed crowd that included Silver, Democratic National Committee Chairman Terry McAuliffe, former Republican party chairman Frank Fahrenkopf and plutocrat-philanthropists Jim Kimsey and Joe Robert – Ali let 'er rip. 'What's the difference between a Jew and a canoe?' the legendary boxer asked, his voice slightly muffled from the effects of Parkinson's disease. 'A canoe tips!' The crowd, which included more than a few Jewish folks, including Silver, reacted with laughter – some of it uncomfortable."

Angered by Snubbing, Libya, China, Syria Form Axis of Just as Evil,
satire.com, February 2002
""In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea 'Axis of Evil' -- N.Y. Times, 1/30/02 -- Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the 'Axis of Evil,' Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the 'Axis of Just as Evil,' which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of his State of the Union address ... While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'Guay,' accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges. Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them."

Who Is a Comedian?, The Gantseh Megillah, Volume 3, Issue 3
"Listen to Jackie Mason: "A normal person wouldn't become a comedian. The egomania, the neurosis, the need to overcompensate, the feeling that life is meaningless without stardom - it's too much suffering." So who becomes a comedian? Groucho Marx, Jack Benny, Milton Berle, Lenny Bruce, Jerry Seinfeld, the list goes on and on. There must be a reason here as well to explain not only why there are so many Jewish comedians today, but also why Jews throughout the ages have been known for their humor." [Jewish comedians cited by this web site include: Bud Abbott (mother was Jewish, Abbott & Costello), Woody Allen (Born Konigsberg), Marty Allen, JasonAlexander (Greenspan), Tom Arnold (converted to Judaism, has some Jewish lineage), Joey Adams (born Abramowitz, converted to Christian Science), Bea Arthur (born Bernice Frankel, Golden Girls, Maud), Ed Asner (Lou Grant, Bronx Zoo), Hank Azaria, Roseanne Barr, Richard Belzer, Richard Benjamin, Jack Benny (Benjamin Kubelsky), Milton "Uncle Miltie" Berle (Berlinger), Sandra Bernhard, Joey Bishop (the only living member of the "Rat Pack"), Elayne Boosler, Victor Borge (Danish Jew, Rosenbaum), David Brenner, Fanny Brice (Borach), Matthew Broderick (mother is Jewish, same as wife, Sarah Jessica Parker), Albert Brooks (Einstein), Mel Brooks (Kaminsky), George Burns (Nathan Birnbaum), Red Buttons (Aaron Chwatt), Lenny Bruce (Born Leonard Alfred Schneider), Eddie Cantor (Iskowitch), Andrew Dice Clay (Silverstein), Sid Ceasar, Billy Crystal, Rodney Dangerfield (Jacob Cohen, later changed it to Jack), Larry David (seinfeld creator/producer, star of "Curb your enthusiasm"), Fran Drescher, Marty "googly eyes" Feldman, Fyvush Finkel, Al Franken, Mitchell Friedman (Voted #1 Jewish Comic by the Young Jewish Alliance in 1999), Jackie Gayle, Brad Garrott (Gerstenfeld, "Everybody Loves Raymond"), Larry Gelbart (M*A*S*H), Gilbert Gottfried, Elliott Gould, Ellen Greene (Little Shop Of Horrors), Shecky Greene, Steve Guttenberg, Buddy Hackett, Goldie Hawn, Buck Henry (Zuckerman), Michael J. Herman ("The Next Big Thing" according to the LA Times), Danny Hoch, Gabriel Kaplan, Jonathan Katz (Dr. Katz, comedy central), Andy Kaufman, Danny Kaye (Kaminsky), Richard Kind, Andy Kindler, Alan King, Robert Klein, Jack Klugman (Odd Couple), Lisa Kudrow, Carol Liefer, Jerry Lewis (Jerome Levitch), Richard Lewis, Shari Lewis (Hurwitz, "Lambchops"), Hal Linden (Barney Miller), Jon Lovitz, Mal Z. Lawrence, Norman Lear (creator of The Jeffersons, All In The Family, Good Times), Bill Maher (mother is Jewish), Howie Mandel, Sally Marr (Lenny Bruce's mother, Joan Rivers portrayed her on Broadway), Marc Marron, The Marx Brothers, Jackie Mason (Maza), Walter Matthau (Matuschanskayasky), Elaine May (May/Nichols), Anne Meara (Stiller/Meara, converted to Judaism), Lorne Michaels (Lipowitz), Marilyn Michaels, Larry Miller, Rick Moranis (Ghostbusters, Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, Little Shop of Horrors), Zero Mostel, Taylor Negron (mother is Jewish), Mike Nichols (filmmaker, The Graduate, The Bird Cage, born Peschwosky), Super Dave Osbourne (brother of Albert Brooks, born Einstein), Kevin Pollak, Sarah Jessica Parker (mother is Jewish, same as hubby, Matthew Broderick), Rhea Pearlman, Freddie Prinze Sr. (father was Hungarian Jew), Freddie Prinze Jr., Gilda Radner, Harold Ramis (actor/director, Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, Groundhog Day), Tony Randall (Rosenberg), Carl Reiner, Rob Reiner, Paul Reiser, Paul Reubens (born Rubenfeld, aka Pee Wee Herman), Don Rickles, The Ritz Brothers, Joan Rivers (Molinsky), Freddy Roman, Rita Rudner, Bob Saget, Mort Sahl, Soupy Sales (Supman), Adam Sandler, Rob Schneider (half-Jew), Sherwood Schwartz (Gilligan's Island, The Brady Bunch), Robert Schimmel, David Schwimmer, George Segal, Jerry Seinfeld, Harry Shearer, Sarah Silverman, Mitzi Shore (owner of The Comedy Store), Pauly Shore (son of Sammy & Mitzi), Sammy Shore, Gary Shandling, Bobby Slayton (father is Jewish), Barry Sobel, David Steinberg, Matt Stone (Southpark), Yakoff Smirnoff ("What a Country!"), Jerry Stiller (Stiller/Meara), Ben Stiller, Peter Sellers (mother was Jewish), Howard Stern (contrary to his popular "half-Jew" shtick, Howie is a full blooded Jew), Jon Stewart (Leibowitz), Teller ("Penn & Teller, born Raymond Teller, father is Jewish), Brother Theodore (Born Gottlieb, frequent favorite of David Letterman), The Three Stooges (Horowitz), Bruce Vilanch, Gene Wilder (Jerome Silberman), Billy Wilder (Some Like It Hot), Henry Winkler ("The Fonz" on Happy Days), Robert Wuhl, Henny Youngman.]

Queer Settlers Land on Berkeley Starbucks,
QUIT!, August 2002
"About 25 queer settlers descended on a downtown Berkeley Starbucks [the Starbucks chain is owned by Jewish Zionist activist Howard Schultz] on Saturday, August 17, claiming Berkeley as 'a city without people for people without a city.' The group, organized by Queers Undermining Israeli Terrorism (QUIT!), posted a banner proclaiming the reclaimed café 'Queerkeley – A Prophecy Fulfilled.' They also erected homes (transformed 'Palestinian civilian homes reclaimed from another street theatre action), lawn furniture, and signs reading, 'It Works In Palestine, Why Not Here?' and 'It’s Ours Because We Say So.' They erected plastic palm trees to 'make the concrete bloom,' and gave patrons a tract explaining their religious claim to the land ...

CARTOONS

Work Brings Freedom/War Brings Peace

Daily Cartoon, by M. Kahil, May 8, 2002
Arab News


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